you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
