One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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