Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
