i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
