Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he thought i was a dude.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
