conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
