My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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