Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
