I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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