this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
