Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Randomize
