Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
