One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
