It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
