My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
