you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
