College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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