I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
