Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
