my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she told me i tasted like america
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
