Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
