I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
