It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
