After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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