i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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