Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who died my cat blue again?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
