How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
