everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
