he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
