I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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