last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
