I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
