I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
