I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were trust falling into bushes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
