im holly from the hills drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
