My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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