I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
