"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
