i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
