I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
