Don't make out with my wife yet
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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