Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
