The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
