Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
