Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
