oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
