All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
