so that wasnt chicken after all
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
