i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
