garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
