I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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