I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
